New student? How to make friends when you start university

We are social beings. Consequently, it’s essential for us to function well with others.

Why can it feel so hard to reach out to new people?

Maybe you have heard the expression “survival of the fittest”, which is based on Darwin’s theory of evolution by natural selection. In this context, “the fittest” does not necessarily mean the healthiest or strongest individual. Instead, it refers to those who are best able to adapt to their environment, thereby increasing their chances of survival.

In the past, being excluded from your social group could have devastating consequences. Without the support of your community, you could lose access to food and protection. In the worst-case scenario, social exclusion could lead to death.

As such, it’s not surprising that social interactions can feel so important. It can almost feel like you are “dying” if you do something “wrong” and feel that you don’t fit in.

Consequently, making new friends and feeling socially included is extremely important for wellbeing and good mental health.

What can you do to feel more confident in social situations and increase your chances of making friends?

Tip 1: Smile!

One of the simplest “tricks” for connecting with others and getting to know new people is to smile. When you make eye contact with someone and smile, they will instantly feel more at ease around you.

The person you smile at will feel slightly less anxious because your smile helps to lower their stress level. As a result, they may be more inclined to interact with you. This often makes it easier to start a conversation or keep one going.

Tip 2: Shift the focus away from yourself!

Shift the focus to the person you are talking to. It’s quite common to become self-conscious and uncertain in new situations. This makes it easy to get caught up in your own thoughts and be critical of how you come across. This is perfectly natural because everyone wants to be liked. However, if you manage to shift the focus to the other person, you increase the chances of having a better conversation.

If the other person responds by asking you questions, try to be yourself. This sounds so simple in theory, yet so hard in practice. When you are yourself, you come across as more genuine and people tend to appreciate this. Being yourself generally makes it easier for people to trust you.

Tip 3: Get involved in a student organisation!

Jeg er ikke så god på «small talk». Hvordan kan jeg bli kjent med folk da?

Join a student organisation! Every university town has a wide range of student organisations as well as other clubs and associations. According to the SHoT Survey (Students’ Health and Wellbeing Survey 2022), students who participate in student organisations report feeling less lonely than those who don’t. When you join a new group, there is a high probability that other people there won’t know anyone either.

Simply saying that you don’t know anyone can be a good icebreaker for starting a conversation.

If you still find it hard to talk, sometimes simply taking part in the organisation’s activities can be enough to help you get to know others. You don’t necessarily have to talk so much. By taking part in the togetherness, you can get to know others over time.

If you find an activity you enjoy, this increases your chances of meeting people who share your interests. However, it’s important to remember that it can take time to build new, meaningful friendships. This generally takes longer than just the first few weeks, so don’t give up if you have not found “your group” during Buddy Week.